i hate u, i love u
by scenicsierra
Summary: Chuuya can't stop thinking about that stupid brunette, and especially not after him mysteriously leaving Port Mafia and reappearing on the radar as a Armed Detective Agency member. When he hears that Dazai was captured, he pays him a little "visit". It soons elevates into a heated session. [cross-post from AO3; same title]


That fucking _idiot_.

Disappearing suddenly like that, then reappearing, as Port Mafia's enemy? Oh well, all the more reasons to hate him.

Chuuya sometimes just cannot understand what goes on in Dazai's head, despite being partners with the brunette for many years. Sure, he hears rumours that Dazai left because of Oda's death. But as far as Chuuya could tell, it did not seem like him to do so.

Chuuya hates him for leaving.

And yet, at the same time, there's a feeling he cannot shake off. A blossoming feeling that keeps him up at night, thinking about the damn brunette even when there was a difficult mission the next day. Curse him to hell.

He still hates Dazai for that.

And yet, his mind wanders off to Dazai at random moments. What was he doing, at the Agency? Why did he leave? How was he? Does he have a new partner(which somehow pains Chuuya, thinking about that)?

What did Chuuya really feel for him?

Hate? Chuuya knows that that is definitely true; he hated Dazai for so many reasons. But how can he explain to himself the other feelings that he had for Dazai? The ones that one does not feel for their enemy? The thoughts one thinks about someone they... love?

Chuuya downs the last drops of the whiskey, cringing to himself as he thinks of the word.

"Love, huh?" He scoffs. "How stupid. Who the hell would fall for that stupid idiot anyways?"

However, deep down, Chuuya knows. He knows that whatever he feels for Dazai, what he had harboured over the years, was no hate.

And he hates himself too, for that.

So, when Chuuya catches wind that, oh no, the infamous ex-Port Mafia executive was captured as a enemy, he barely controls himself from storming down to the basement where Dazai is kept.

What made him go? Even Chuuya himself isn't sure. Is it desperation? Misery? Loneliness?

Either way, Chuuya finds himself almost running to see Dazai.

When he does see the brunette, he tries to keep his cool, walking down the steps slowly to calm his racing heart down.

"Plotting as usual, are we?" Chuuya uses his best condescending tone, hiding his...excitement?

"That voice..." Dazai mutters, his face changing into a shade of blue.

"This is nice, such a great view." Chuuya smirks. "It rivals even a masterpiece worth ten billion, eh, Dazai?"

"...gross. Yep, gross."

Chuuya denies the sharp pain he feels.

"I like your reaction. It makes me want to strangle you."

The words sting on Chuuya's tongue now, but he has to keep up with this act until the right time.

"You haven't changed at all, Chuuya."

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?"

"I've always wondered about this, but where do you get your embarrassing hats from?"

"Whatever, vagabond. I'd bet a million yen you're still going on about suicide at this age, aren't you?"

"Yeah." A single, flat word.

Chuuya scowls. "At least try to deny it."

"But now you're just a sad prisoner. Enough to make you cry, eh, Dazai? No, actually it's a little too convenient." He pauses.

"You know what? Let me just tell you the truth, 'cause I don't have all day."

Dazai's left brow perks up in curiosity. Chuuya feels his heart rate rising yet again. _Dammit_ , Nakahara Chuuya.

"Oh? Are you going to tell me where you got your hats?"

"Shut it, Mackerel!" Dazai's nickname slips Chuuya's lips. "No, it's not about that."

Chuuya bites down on his lower lip, hard. He realises that he has yet to think of how to actually tell the brunette the truth. Would he get all weirded-out by it? Or would he use it to tease Chuuya until he dies?

Dazai waits patiently, chocolate-brown eyes piercing straight through Chuuya as if reading his mind.

Chuuya was never good at expressing emotions other than rage and anger, and this time is no exception. Some days, he wishes that he is as good as Dazai at using words. Today is one of those days.

Subconsciously, his fists ball up, nails piercing into the skin of his palms, like a reminder to do what he is supposed to do here.

"You know..."Chuuya forces his throat open, lowering his head so that Dazai does not see the rising flush of his face. "Ever since you left, all that was on my mind was...you."

He risks a look at Dazai; the brunette still has a poker face, devoid of emotions.

"Like...somehow, I could not shake off thoughts of you. Sometimes, I think about what you might be doing with those Agency scoundrels. Sometimes, I just think about...you. Everything about you."

Chuuya spies an amused smirk growing on the stupid brunette's lips, and it is all he can do to not smash his own lips against his.

Chuuya's heart is racing like an F1 racer now, but he cannot stop. Not when he had come so far.

"The way your hair curls around your jaw. Your eyes, holding a lot more emotion than your face." Chuuya's face is burning hot, and he's thankful for the dark lighting around here.

"Go on," Dazai says. He actually says that, that jerk?!

"The weird way you smirk whenever we complete a mission. The way you like to hum to yourself when you're happy."

Chuuya wishes that Dazai would just do something, anything right now. Even laugh.

Dazai snaps his fingers, and his shackles come apart.

Before Chuuya can express any form of surprise, however, the taller brunette grabs him by the chin and kisses him, right on the lips.

Chuuya lets out of small shriek of surprise. Why the hell is Dazai kissing him?

But soon, the redhead finds himself melting into the brunette's kiss, grabbing said man by the tie and accidentally tugging it loose. Dazai only smirks against his lips.

Dazai guides him along, slowly sucking on Chuuya's bottom lip that feels so damn good, he wonders why he never did think of trying it.

Chuuya's own kisses, being the inexperienced one, are hesitant, instead letting Dazai take over. Just this once, he swears to himself.

Their lips seem to move in perfect harmony, however, with Dazai urging Chuuya to allow entrance into his mouth. The brunette only needs to lick his lips once, and the other man complies.

And, holy shit, this feels good, Chuuya thinks as Dazai explores his own mouth with his tongue, as if trying to familiarise himself with every inch of the warm cavern. A moan escapes from Chuuya's lips, and he melts deeper into the kiss.

He knows what each kiss means.

 _I love you, Chuuya._

Chuuya feels his heart fall when Dazai pulls back, eyes dark with lust and lips shining.

"Who knew our petit Mafia would fall in love someday, eh?" Dazai breathes. Normally, Chuuya would have punched him. Right now, though, he's too focused on the brunette in front of him to care. He feels his own cheeks burn even more hotly now, so bright that he's sure Dazai can see it.

Before Chuuya realises it, however, Dazai flips and pushes Chuuya on the wall instead, pinning both his arms above him.

"Dazai..." Chuuya whispers, not trusting himself to say anything else.

Dazai grins this time. "Oh, believe me, I'll make you scream that when you come."

 _Wait, what? What's Dazai going to do-_

Chuuya's own thoughts are silenced when Dazai pushes his lips against his own yet again, both hands running down the redhead's shirt.

Chuuya feels his own heart race even faster now. Whatever that's about to happen next, he knows, would make him feel good.

Hastily yet carefully, the brunette unbuttons the shirt. Chuuya shivers a little under the sudden warmth that is Dazai's hand.

Then, before the redhead knew it, Dazai pushes his shirt off his shoulder, along with the brown trench coats Chuuya wears. Suddenly, his upper half is naked.

Slowly, Dazai traces over the bare skin, following the dents and ridges the muscles make on the surface. Chuuya is thankful, yet again, for having trained these past few months.

Finally, the brunette detaches his lips, opting to place butterfly kisses down Chuuya's neck. He stops right below his collarbone, sucking and biting gently until a red mark begins to appear.

Oh my god, is Dazai Osamu _marking_ him now?

Chuuya runs a hand down Dazai's back, before realising that the brunette was fully clothed.

Frowning, the redhead hastily throws back the brown trench coat and tries untying his tie. The brunette smiles against his skin in response.

When the tie is finally off, Chuuya almost tears Dazai's shirt off in impatience, but decides that he is not about to leave his lover with only a trench coat to cover his upper body.

A rough material comes into view, or rather into touch. Chuuya scowls. Of course he would still have his bandages on.

Dazai stops too, lips pausing on a patch of skin.

"Do you have any actual wounds?"

"No."

"Then take them off!"

"There're lots of scars." Dazai smirks. "They might scare you to death."

"Nothing can scare me, Nakahara Chuuya!"

"Fine by me. Take them off, then." Dazai stands up straight.

Chuuya takes a brief moment to find the loose end of the bandage, tucked under a strip on his chest. Slowly, he slips it off, the entire length off.

Not a single soul has seen what was under those bandages, and Chuuya also wonders about that too. Today, he'll be the first to find out.

And yes, multiple scars come into view, from small white ones to bigger ones. Chuuya refuses to imagine how the hell Dazai gets them.

Instead, he opts to place a chaste kiss over each scar. Perhaps this is how Chuuya would express his love.

As he unravels the bandage, he lets his free hand run over naked skin too. Looks like Dazai never stopped training even after leaving Port Mafia, then.

Strangely, Chuuya does not feel embarrassed doing this. In fact, it makes him feel a little closer to Dazai than he was. Still, he does not speak, letting his kisses say his words.

 _Your scars are not ugly. Don't cover them with bandages._

 _I think they're lovely. I'd kiss each of them every day of my life._

 _They're part of who you are, and I love you, so I love your scars too._

His eyes dart up to see Dazai's reaction. The brunette has his eyes turned away, cheeks flushed. In fact, Dazai shivers a little under his lips. Now, it is Chuuya's turn to smirk.

Well, he does not feel embarrassed until he reaches the hem of Dazai's pants. The realisation of what he is actually doing strikes him like thunder.

He is about to let Dazai Osamu, the youngest Port Mafia executive in history, fuck him. They are about to _have sex_.

Well, Chuuya sure is glad he decided to come after all.

The redhead's fingers hover over the zip of the brunette's pants, where his erection is clear enough for the entire world to see.

 _Me, Chuuya Nakahara, turning Dazai Osamu on. Wow._

Before Chuuya can actually unzip his pants, however, Dazai kneels down, kissing him, and brings him up again.

"Play time's over," Dazai whispers. "Chuuya."

Chuuya feels fingers unzipping his own pants, and if not for Dazai pinning both his arms above him, he would have moved to cover himself.

Dazai presses himself against Chuuya, making the petit Mafia gasp at the contact.

"Remember what I said earlier?" Dazai pulls his pants down.

Chuuya finds himself nodding vigorously.

"Well, I change that. I'm gonna fuck you until you scream my name, and so hard until you can't walk tomorrow. But first, you gotta ask me."

When desire clouds your mind, Chuuya finds, you only focus on what's right in front of you, the one thing-or person-that you desire. It is no different for him.

"F-f-f..."

"Come on, say it, Chuu-chan," Dazai coos, his voice in the annoying tone that Chuuya is _so_ familiar with.

"Fuck me hard in the ass until I can't walk, Dazai, please." Chuuya basically loses control of his mouth. "Daddy Dazai."

He adds the last bit for good measure.

Dazai smirks. "You said so."

The brunette pulls down Chuuya's boxers, his member fully extended right now. The redhead bites down on his lip at the sudden chill, sending his member trembling.

And then, oh so swiftly, Dazai pushes a finger through his entrance, but not too quickly that it hurt. Chuuya moans again at the foreign sensation, louder than the previous time. Who knew it felt so good?

Dazai slowly pumps his finger in and out, letting Chuuya get used to this new sensation. Dazai hits a certain point, and Chuuya gasps under him in pleasure.

Soon, Dazai adds a second finger, scissoring his entrance and stretching them further. Chuuya finds himself leaning into Dazai's touch, wanting oh-so-desperately for him to move faster.

It is replaced by an empty feeling again, and Chuuya pouts. Not for long, though.

Apparently, Dazai has already taken off his pants sometime in the past few minutes, and he is also standing there, in full naked glory. Chuuya ducks his head a little.

Swiftly, Dazai flips Chuuya around, the redhead now fully facing the brick walls of the basement.

"You ready?" Dazai whispers in his ear. It sends a chill down Chuuya's spine.

"If I'm not ready, I'm not Chuuya Nakahara," he spits out, words trembling.

"Good." Dazai breathes. "This is going to hurt a little at first, but it'll go away."

Chuuya hears the click of a bottle, and wet rubbing sounds. Putting two and two together, he concludes that Dazai is also a pervert who is always expecting some kind of sex to occur outside his house.

At first, Dazai teases the entrance with the tip of his member. Chuuya jerks in surprise, drawing in a sharp breath.

Dazai moves to kiss his neck, sending tiny shivers down the redhead's spine. A warm trail, one kiss after another, temporarily distracts him from the fact that Dazai is pushing in further.

A louder moan this time, as Chuuya pushes out further, wordless pleads for Dazai to himself entirely in, to let him feel how it is like to actually be fucked. Literally.

"Turn your head," Dazai whispers, dark desire lacing his voice like smoke in the air. Chuuya complies.

Dazai swiftly moves to close his lips over the petit Mafia's, relishing the softness of him in that one touch, one kiss. He smirks to himself; looks like Chuuya _is_ thoroughly soft, inside and out.

Chuuya manages to bite back a moan as Dazai finally pushes in completely. He feels warm hands on both side of his hips, locking him in place. Well, as if the redhead would run away anyways.

He tries to hold on to the last bit of control, he really does. But when you're under a guy that you've been head over heels for for the past few years and he's about to fuck you, even a stubborn one like Chuuya would succumb. Especially to someone like Dazai.

He realises why Dazai became an Executive at such a young age.

For the time being, however, with Dazai pressing on Chuuya's back, their breaths mingling, the only thing he could focus on is Dazai's slow thrusting movements in and out of him. Somehow, Dazai knows exactly where his sensitive spots are, and hits it straight on every dam time.

 _Damn you, Dazai_ , Chuuya thinks.

Dazai's movements become quicker and quicker, Chuuya's heavy breathing turning him on even more. He'll be sure to tease the petit Mafia about this later on.

Their breaths and the sound of skin slapping are the only sounds in the basement. Chuuya feels it too, the rising heat pooling in his lower abdomen as Dazai thrusts even harder and faster. It even allows his to ignore the fact that Dazai had thrown off his fedora and grabbed his hair.

Finally, white, hot liquid fills Chuuya up, as he screams Dazai's name and Dazai screaming his in that goddamned sexy way.

"I love you, Chuuya Nakahara."

Perhaps that is why people call having sex "making love".

"I love you too, Dazai Osamu."


End file.
